Monday, August 24, 2009

A Tweet that shouldn't have caused a flutter!

"Gettin' married is like getting into a bath tub. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot."
What you have just read is what someone tweeted on twitter, probably picking it from here. And it troubled Shalini Puthiyedam so much that she decided to write her first blogpost on this tweet that made her flutter. She says the tweet "attacked the woman in the marriage." Shalini goes on to say:
It attacks the woman in the marriage not very subtly I must add. It presumes that the man who was a perfect being before marriage has been grossly undone by the act of committing himself. Secondly, the imagery evoked leaves nothing much to the imagination as to the angle the man wants to impress upon.

I find this a curiously Indian male pastime to indulge in this flippant and often insulting and derogatory talk about marriage. I always wonder too as to why then these very same men finally do go and tie themselves and get bound in a marriage. They have a choice, isn’t it?
I think the flutter and the long lecture on marriage that followed was because Shalini read the whole thing wrong! I think she read 'woman' when she read 'bath tub'. And of course she has all the right to be angry if the 'bath tub' in question meant 'woman', because that is not the way one should think of women.

Read the whole thing again: "Gettin' married is like getting into a bath tub. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot." The word in question is 'marriage.' I would have agreed with Shalini if the tweet said: "getting married to a woman is like getting into a bath tub" But here it simply says, 'Getting married is like getting into a bath tub.' Now, to me the tweet is not an attack on 'the woman in the marriage' but an 'attack on marriage in general'. It applies to both men and women in marriage, as I can see. I think the whole flutter was about a lack of right perspective or should I say 'projection'? We see things, perhaps, the way we want to see it!

I am, again not sure, if Shalini knows the way things work for girls and boys. I think, "I always wonder too as to why then these very same men finally do go and tie themselves and get bound in a marriage. They have a choice, isn’t it?" is a very silly question to ask. As I understand, at present in India as well as anywhere, there are as many girls as there are boys who talk 'silly' about marriage. Haven't you heard about girls who say they don't want to get married because they don't like boys? Does that mean they don't get married at all? Does that mean they don't really like boys? They have a choice, don't they? It is all in the game and as I understand the 'Indian Male' who tweeted the scandalous blasphemy is also 'single'. When you are young and still single you have the freedom to look at marriage any way you like and still not mean it! I have seen equal number of men and women going into the 'denial mode'.

And then Shalini passes her final verdict on the Indian Urban Male: 'I think it is because the Indian urban male of today is a confused soul', she says. If you seriously consider young people today, both male and female, you will understand that they are more realistically pragmatic about all things including life. And I don't think they have any stupid romantic notions about life or marriage. I look at the tweet as a guy realizing that 'marriage is not going to be a hot affair' so you better be prepared for it. The tweet to me is not about any confusion, but about clarity of the scheme of life.

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